2020, another year, another decade, gone. This New Years was slightly different since instead of looking back at the past 12 months, you're reflecting on the past 120 months. However, 2019 has probably been one of the toughest years I've gone through.
As we scroll through social media everybody is posting the highlights of their past or talking about their vision for the future. As we link our eyes to our phones and see everyone's post, I find that we begin to fall into a trap of comparison. Why didn't I accomplish that this year? Why didn't I travel to more countries? Why did my marriage fail?
We look to social media in hopes of finding love, in hopes of finding acceptance. This past year I looked to social media in hopes to find who I am, to get attention, to become somebody I am not. As I enter into 2020, I want to discover who I am through the one that created me. I want to learn to put the phone down and pick up the word of God and seek him.
"Whatever you went through, that did not destroy you, God is going to use to deliver you."
2 Corinthians 3:17 says "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom" God came so we could be FREE.
I've spent 2019 far away from Jesus, but he still sought me out. I've spent the last year drowning myself in alcohol, being experimental, ruining friendships and avoiding all things church. "You're going out again? Where did you sleep last night? You should stay home" My family and friends started to worry, I'd come home crying every night or not go home and be confused of my surroundings when I woke up. I was at the point where I didn't want to be around anymore, it's not that I wanted my life to end but I wanted my life as I knew it to be over. I needed a fresh slate.
I thought I'd find healing at the bottom of a bottle, it made me numb. But what I've been reminded is that Jesus is my healer, Jesus is faithful and you have to feel to heal. It was at my darkest that I was invited to come back to YWAM (the place I first fell in love with Jesus).
2019 taught me that it's ok to not be ok, but it also taught me to not do life alone. Taught me to reach out, to talk to someone, to be vulnerable, to be honest and to not give up.
Going into 2020 I'm going to have an open heart for what my healer can do. I'm going to thank Him for what I've been through. I'm going to change who I look to for admiration. I'm going to go to the one who is love, joy, happiness, peace. This is the start of something NEW.
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